this just has baby written all over it
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
