I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I love having hate sex.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
