Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize