you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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