So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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