Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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