Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
