apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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