i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
