So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
