Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
