If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
