so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
