Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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