so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Floor bacon is actually really good
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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