i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
