life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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