Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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