Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
