I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Nicole vs. Life
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
