Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize