i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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