I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
