i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
