dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
