I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You were trust falling into bushes
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
