I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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