my phone needs a breathalizer
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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