Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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