a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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