I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Dicks are not precious.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
