I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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