fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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