she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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