Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
