We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
