turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
