Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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