This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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