she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize