FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
