She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
