Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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