Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
