I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
