you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
