She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
