i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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