he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Too much gin, very little bucket
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
