the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
