did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
