one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize