awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
