We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
