Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
