so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize