How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
