You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
