His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
