The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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