Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
