you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
