Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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