Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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