Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize