Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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